My Self starts with Me

You know, something amazing happens when you give your Life to Truth. It’s as if the whole of Reality ~ the entire Universe ~ starts to conspire in your favour.

And this is not a conceptual handing over, or a half-hearted Surrender. It has to be Total. And the extent to which you give is the extent to which you receive.

My entry into Life, as Soul, as Heart, did not happen due to any spiritual practice. It happened as a result of my Total Yes and my complete taking of responsibility for My Life – at the most fundamental and personal level.

The moment I stopped evading my person, dismissing her as unreal (through the lens of inquiry and from the perspective of awareness) is the moment I started taking responsibility. And the moment I started taking responsibility for her, the healing of her began.

But this is not the kind of healing that builds or improves a person. No. It is the kind of healing that brings every wound into the light, so that the strings holding that person together start to snap, one by one, falling like dominoes.

It required standing at the heart of Me, and allowing her to unravel herself ~ as the embrace of Truth ~ which can be accurately summarised as closing every compromise (no matter how subtle) and only following my Heart.

It required a deep deep listening, and being very very quiet, to hear only the whisper of my Soul. And it required the absolute willingness to make mistakes ~ to walk into Life without trepidation ~ ready to receive every lesson that being Me entailed.

And by meeting Life in this way, every movement of Me can be seen in full view. And every time I move from her rather than mySelf, I feel the inaccuracy of it ~ the taste it leaves in my mouth and the odour that lingers …

And so the recognition (and thus the dissolution) of her happens every time I move according to her hopes and dreams, rather than my Soul’s whisper, or every time I react according to her wounds, rather than taking full responsibility for them.

 
 

There is a growing dedication that arises in the total agreement to Live Truly, which invites a constant vigilance and a growing capacity to see that which moves according to the separated self, and that which flows as Reality.

 
 

And in that complete taking of responsibility for every wound, belief system, and conditioned behaviour, Life is able to enter this body-mind, as my very own Self, to start doing what only She can do …

For her intelligence is beyond comprehension. No mind could design the undoing I am seeing. No healing intention could unravel the complexity of my person with such precision and efficiency.

She enters from every direction, every angle, ready and willing to round my every corner and fill my every crack.

And with my full-co-operation on her side ~ as the willingness to enter every wound, to drop every compromise, and to face every fear ~ she delivers only that which will undo me. And with my full agreement to stand in the centre of that fire ~ without denial, avoidance or defence ~ her flame burns ever brighter.

So I look back on my life and I see the futility in Me believing I had to transcend Me. I see all the movements I made ~ both spiritual and otherwise ~ to fix, evade, or blame Me.

I see now that the spiritual path cannot exclude Me. She is the starting point, so to speak. She is where the journey begins. And paradoxically ~ in that full taking of responsibility for her ~ she becomes the access point. But the moment I deny her, the moment I insist on her unreality, I push her to the corner of my psyche, and in doing so, I make her real.

So I hold her in my Heart, and FINALLY allow her to grow up! She takes me straight into the wounded child, and from here I see the ignorance that grew out of her. I see the inaccurate woman I became, hiding in my own shadow, and aiming for a realisation with her rotting at the bottom of me.

As I hold her in my heart, her every hurt is seen, and healed through the eyes of love and clarity. And by holding her in my heart, my undoing starts at the very core of Me, and like a vortex, spirals out in all directions, leaving nothing that is not my Self in its wake.

By starting at the centre of this cosmic joke ~ as the apparently separate Me ~ I gain entry to mySelf; while the entire time I was moving according to attaining realisation, a polarisation occurred whereby my spiritual cultivation was happening alongside a deeply incongruent life. This double life, where I failed to bring every part of myself into this embrace, meant that Life herSelf started to punch and pummel me from all directions, insisting that I take responsibility for Me!

And Me was never a mistake. Every nuance and groove of her was perfectly chosen by my Self, to learn that which needed to be learnt and to see that which needed to be seen. Like being dropped into the centre of a maze, with only Me as my experience, and yet within that Me was every clue needed to take every step in the direction of Home. Meanwhile I left Me, in all her confusion, crying in the centre of that daunting maze, and opted for transcendence. Through cultivating awareness, I started to access the ultimate perspective, that Me and the maze were not real. But what if both are possible ~ both the clarity of that recognition and the deep diving into the maze, as the perfection and completion of the labyrinth of Life?
 
 

The magic of this Life is that she has been perfectly designed to carry all ignorance home to herSelf ~ if we only but surrender to Her.

 
 

The moment we agree to lose everything, whilst simultaneously taking full responsibility for everything (which means neither clinging nor dismissing), then everything that needs to heal can heal and everything needed for that healing is delivered.

Every time I act from inaccuracy, Life shows me.
Every time I make one move away from my Heart, Life shows me.
Every time I get too big for my boots, Life shows me.

The agreement to live with Life, rather than against her (or as some kind of spiritual trajectory that invites for her transcendence and dismissal) means that she is constantly handing me the keys that I need to unlock every misunderstanding, heal every wound, and open every door to a greater and greater resting in mySelf.