Shakti bows to Shiva

Their eyes lock. Universes collide.
Everything she IS, she gives.
A firework display of shooting stars and supernovas dance across the still pools of his gaze.
Comets, meteors, and asteroids spring forth from her Being, an alluring dance of colour and light,
Yet still, he remains unstirred.

Their gaze deepens, and as it does, so does his Silence.
Burning with the fury of the one who remains unseen, unnoticed, she meets him in that Silence.
Her Being expands to the size of the Universe.
She is both Space and the Life dancing in that Space. Both matter and anti-matter. Both dark and light.
And yet, and yet, he disappears beyond her view. A disappearance of such great proportion, that no matter where she looks, she cannot find him, cannot see him, unmoving in the spaceless space beyond her perception.

Fury rises.
How could he leave her?
She rises as the entire cosmos,
Breath taking in her beauty
Untameable in her power
Insatiable in her love
And still, he chooses this?

Oceans rise, as the tears begin to roll and pour,
As her pulse quickens,
volcanoes rumble and spew,
as the fire in her Being burns every brighter.

And then, in a moment of unutterable grace,
she learns the movement he has made.
Falling
Falling
Not from Grace,
but from the throne
of her Kingdom
of Life.

She sees the storm she has created,
and the hands that work this storm,
like the hands of a puppeteer.
Swords strike forth from her Heart cutting the hands of this one.
Only Space remains,
as the silent eye of this storm consumes her.

A relief she knew not that she craved
Release from the very breath that sustains her
An exhale into Nothing …

 

Dancing with the Plant Devas

In communing with medicinal plants, and in the meeting with the Plant Devas, we must exercise great presence, discernment, and awareness. The slightest lack of humility or lapse into compulsion – into using Her Gifts – can quickly slip into abuse, and before you know it you are in troubled waters. Our systems are not yet ready to handle consistent use of such potent medicine. Indeed, any medicine should be used sparingly. The moment it reaches saturation point, its true value is lost.

When the Deva descends, she brings with her Great Wisdom. It can be said that each Plant Deva comes with a specific set of teachings and unlocks a specific frequency in creation. However, until these frequencies are realised and integrated, our nervous systems are not yet wired for the magnitude of these higher vibrations. Curiosity or a sense of adventure are in no way sufficient to qualify for such a meeting. It is She who opens the doors to such an experience and we must therefore tread with great care … only heeding to a real and genuine call from the Deva HerSelf. 

Dependency is subtle and insidious and even harder to detect when working with a Deva, since all we see are her blessings! Nevertheless, know that her greatest teachings come when you refuse to attach to the state that she reveals. The moment that you grasp and insist on repetition, then you create imbalance – for no state in the spectrum should be favoured over another. Besides, our systems cannot handle the full force of sustained exposure to a state it is not yet able to integrate. The body-mind pays the price of mindless use, and the undeveloped parts of us that stand as obstacles to actually stabilise these states will be left to stagnate in the shadows. After all, it would only be the motivation to avoid our habitual state of consciousness that would cause us to repeatedly escape to a higher vibration.

To work with a Plant Deva in full integrity, requires respect and loyalty to the process she unfolds. Her most auspicious entry is into a context that has prepared the ground for such a meeting, and which will follow up on everything that is shown. The moment we act outside of this impeccability, we are inviting forces we are not yet ready for. Don’t underestimate the transmission she bestows and how easily such a transmission can distort if it’s not able to be received in the proper way.

One plant medicine, which shall remain unnamed, springs to mind. When one is not properly initiated into her ways, they can be easily misconstrued. One of the gifts she bestows is a penetrating gaze into the heart of the shadows. She lifts the veil somewhat ruthlessly, in a way where we get to see the full extent to which our conditioning is running the show. However, for the one who does not understand this, or who is not yet ready to hold such a seeing in the full light of presence, then it can seem like a cruel revelation. She will disclose every dark corner of the psyche, revealing all tricks and traps; but for the one who’s not ready, this can seem like a horror show that plays straight into the hands of self loathing and criticism. Identification is key here of course, since it’s our identification with what we see that can easily distort clear-seeing into paranoia.

Another key that she offers is that of Relaxation. The frequency she holds is of a deep letting go into the full power of her Relaxation – a force that penetrates every cell, pulling it deeper and deeper into Matter (Mother). Again, when handled with care, she can open this door for us in a way where we really get to taste, and then integrate, this reality. However, the moment we attach to this state, then we tip the scales in favour of a state that makes us ineffective in our living lives and that can easily distort into carelessness and negligence. Interestingly (although not surprisingly), frequent and dependent users of this master medicine are those who find it difficult to relax, and thus it becomes a crutch and a short cut to the very aspect of consciousness that’s in need of cultivation.

Just like Newton’s Law in Physics, the Law of Karma states that every action shall experience an equal and opposite reaction. What goes up must come down, and such short cuts hold a price. These Devas offer powerful invitations into aspects of Reality beyond our current reach. Therefore their gifts can both enrich and corrupt. Like anything, it all comes down to the relationship we have with what we commune with, and just because we are dancing with a Deva does not eliminate this sobering reality.

 

 

Seeing is not believing: emerging from the story of Me

The divine function of pure mind is that of Seeing.

Even amidst a chaotic mind, it’s possible to extract our attention from total absorption in thought and to rest it in and as the observer of that chaos. The very fact that we can see and acknowledge these thought streams is already a big step. It’s the step from identification to witnessing, where we begin to disentangle attention from its tendency to merge with the objects in our field of perception.

However, there is a refinement of the observer, which could be described as a movement into a more subtle layer of consciousness, whereby the subject/object relationship that witnessing is dependent upon is transcended, so that consciousness comes to rest as pure subjectivity, aware only of itself.

It is this awareness marinading in itself that begins the carving out of our busy minds, thus taking us into higher and more subtle states of consciousness. It becomes like a still pool or black hole in the centre of a frantic mind, pulling all noise into silence and all movement into stillness.

To rest as this formless awareness is to begin to extricate ourselves from the many thought patterns that govern our inner world and indeed define our self image. To extricate ourselves from the self image itself is the core movement of the purification of mind. To see the extent to which identification has interwoven itself into the very fabric of thought, like a seed from which all the branches of thought emerge, is the extent to which we are able to deconstruct this story of me.

The very fact that the story of me is so deeply believed in, is what makes possible the clinging to this identity, because without ‘me’ who would we be? It plays straight into the hands of the fear of non-existence. Our insistence on our self image is fuelled by our drive to survive and is made possible by constantly watering (with our attention) the web of thought which confirms our ‘me’. Thought becomes a constant feedback loop to confirm and embellish the story of me and it’s this mental soup that the collective consciousness finds itself swimming in circles around.

However, through meditation and self inquiry there is a direct invitation into the true nature of mind, and indeed the true nature of our Self. These tools are the gateways into that Reality, beyond the story of me, a story that has the potential to completely absorb our attention and thus radically limit our perception.

It’s like living underground your whole life and never realising that there’s a vast landscape filled with light overhead. As we begin to acknowledge that there are indeed tunnels in the earth that lead beyond this cave-like existence, we can pluck up the courage to begin to crawl through these tunnels to see this landscape for ourselves. At first glimpse of the light that shines at the end of that tunnel, we may experience shock, fear and even confusion. Somehow our eyes need time to accustom to this light. It is new and bright and our whole system has been trained to fear the unknown and the unfamiliar. We also meet up with the very real concern that life will never be the same again, for once we surface on this new layer of reality, and realise that there is more to the matrix we have been living in, we know that we won’t be able to turn back; and so begins the process of letting go of the safety of our underworld cave, in favour of a brighter reality.

We can begin this process now, simply by resolving to observe the patterns of our mind – to become acquainted, to become familiar, and to begin a process of self-honesty, whereby we admit and acknowledge to ourselves the reality of our beliefs. As long as we identify with these beliefs there will always be an instinctual movement to protect and defend, indeed strengthen them, which is why it’s paramount to simultaneously begin the process of familiarising ourselves with the reality beyond them. In fact, it can be said that it is only the power that emanates from the light filled landscape that can shine the light of awareness into every dark corner of our psyche, in a way where it actually dissolves what is held there. The mind itself can do nothing. Even witnessing, which is actually a function of mind, has its limitations when it’s not imbued with the power and light of pure awareness, and it’s the recognition of this awareness as our very Self which further imbues it with the power of an irrevocable discernment.

When you truly recognise that nothing that arises within your field of perception is who you are, its value is reduced to mere phenomena, and the need to defend and protect falls away. In the burning light of this clarity, so begins the process of discrimination, whereby we can easily reject any arising belief that points back to the story of me.

The purification of mind is a process of dissolution, of seeing what we are not, and has an entirely different flavour to the flowering of the Heart, or the waking down into embodiment. Reality is multi-faceted, and when it comes to the sharpness of clarity, it is the Seeing through the junk in our head space which counts.

Can you die to the silence? The empty nature of reality awaits …

 

Ode to Ma

Again and again I break and I break, unwinding, reminding what I hold, what I think I need, like butter, I melt, in your heat

And I dive, deep into your ravines, caring not for the mud that flies in my eyes
Diving diving deep into you Ma, penetrating your depths

Un-peel me.

I laugh heart’s laughter, she quakes me in my boots, Ma. Ha!
Your heart’s chuckle moves Mountains in my deep

Rhythms abound in your chest, pounding my door,
Open
She bangs, I plead, open, open, open

Crying. Tears falling down your streams, rolling down my cheeks, falling off your
Cliff
Face
Bosom

Boooom. She Shakes, Me, to, My, Core.
Don’t move.
Breathe … hear her silent boom – through you she moves, like Silence Roars

FALL. Drop, dropping into you I drop
I hear you Ma, I feel you in my depths, pulsating like honey,
dripping,
like wine

Running, running, running through the streets for you, shouting your name, I die, I die
I DIE.
For you,
I die

And just when,
It seems like,
No more bones can break
You snap me like a porcelain doll, upon the mantle piece of my soul,
Smashing into smithereens,
My eyes close and, all I see, is You

Praise, praise, praise be your name Ma
You know just how to raise, my game
God’s Game
Your divine mischief is the unknowable mystery, of my Heart
I bow, a thousand bows to your shining Sun, winking Star, beaming Moon

Unfurl me like petals blown in the wind
Unclose me like Pandora’s box
Unfold my folds like Flowers opening to, Bees prying tongues
Eat me whole, and inside out, I melt into nectar for you. I’m pollen for your toes

Eye lids close, darkness brings shadows and spiders and ghosts – all your making my love
All this,
I embrace
All this you are,
I am

Never turning from that twinkle in your eye that glints in every stream and winks in every cloud
Feed me the rain drops of your eyes and shower me in hail stone kisses
I lie in your reeds, writhing upon your naked earth my dear. Fingers splayed and lips curled
You undo me

Did you hear my scream, running feet, haunting your name with my speech?
I see you. Everywhere. I look.
I see you
I see you
I Be You

 

She Speaks

Nature Speaks.
She has Secrets, and she wants you to know,
She is resurrecting.

Through whatever crack is available to her,
Like the flower bursting through concrete,
She will rise,
Because She is You.

She rises with a silent fury,
Loved by few,
Feared by many.
Her love destroys
With great accuracy
All that is not held
In the full integrity of Her.

Nothing that is You
That is Her
Can die in her Fire.

And if you dare to venture
Through the undergrowth of Her
She’ll rip those clothes off your back
And smear her clay upon your face.

Hair tangled
Eyes streaming
Mouth cackling.
She is wild and relentless,
And dances only
For wind and rain.

I’m ready Ma,
Ready for your unrelenting passion,
Ready for everything
I pushed deep
Into your soil.

Every ghost and ghoul,
Spider and beetle,
I welcome
It all.

Embroil me in your web
And eat me for breakfast
For there is nothing
I Am Not

Nothing that I Am
That is You
Can die in your clutch.

 
 

Black Footprints in the Sand

 

A black grain of sand appears in the shimmering golden desert of my Self

Silent winds blow serenely, lifting veil-like sheets of sand across the surface of the golden dunes

All is at rest and burning brightly under the blazing fire, pulsating in the sky above

Except one sooty grain of sand

 

She winks rapidly, untouched by the flames that lick her cheeks

She is the unclaimed particle from which all ignorance arises

She wanders this desert in search of water to quench her parched and cracking lips

And for every grain of sand she touches on her way, she leaves black footprints in the sand

 

I send out search parties through the landscape of my Being to locate this lonely one

She has been extricated and discarded, exiled and forgotten, and now paints the desert black with the tears of her pain

But I will find you, and when I do, I will not exile or forget, extricate or discard

I will take you in my arms and kiss light into the black folds of the cloak that masks your blinding light

 

Every wind in my Being now blows towards you, and the world can wait until I find your trail and trace you back into mySelf

As I meet you from every angle, and embrace you through every crack, your eyes, heavy with forgetfulness, will open and ignite

In the fiery heat of my gaze, not one particle of blackness will escape these flames

You will return to me my love, and when you do, I will shine on you until only gold remains

 

And on cloudy days, when my Heart is weary,

If one should wander where others dare not tread,

They will see the shadows of your footprints and the traces of your tears,

As they burnt the ground with your longing

For my eternal embrace

 
 

True Healing

Relative Healing vs True Healing

Relative Healing brings that which is out of balance back into an organic flow of harmony and wholeness and can occur with great success whilst leaving the core construct of a ‘person’ relatively intact. This is when healing is approached by ‘someone’ (the separated self) to ‘get something’ (an improved experience).

As long as the core construct of the person is left in place, the root of all issues and ailments remains untouched, because actually all issues are rooted in the person, which exists as a conditioned web of identity rooted in fear, perceiving itself to be separate from Source.

For True Healing to be the case, then the very root of suffering (which is the personal identity) must be resolved and dissolved into Source. True Healing therefore happens WITHIN and DUE TO the Full Embrace of Truth. This includes the embrace of your Self across all dimensions of Reality ~ from Absolute, across Heart, and deeply into the Human / Body / Earth ~ as the very integration and incarnation of Truth into Form.

 

What remains is not trans-human, but the purity of the True Human dancing as the Absolute through and as Creation.

 

The 5 Keys to True Healing

(a brief and by no means comprehensive summary, but nevertheless that which has consistently shown itself (at least to this one) to be utterly essential)

1. Dedication (to Truth)

When you align with Truth, which means to say that this becomes the one-pointed focus of your existence, then everything else within that begins to align itself.

When every move you make arises from this Dedication to Truth, then everything that needs to be seen is seen, everything that needs to be released is released, and everything that needs to be healed is healed – because when you align yourself with Truth, you align yourself with the true purpose of your existence and you begin to unravel and undo the root cause of your suffering, which is the belief in yourself as a separate identity.

So before any move is made, root yourself in this Dedication. Let this become that which moves you.

Integrity is Key and the foundation for Living Truly. Allow your Dedication to bring everything that has anything to do with you into this alignment.

2. Honesty

This requires that you take a deep and honest look at yourself and to ACKNOWLEDGE ~ through Profound Honesty ~ that which you un-cover.

At your core, you may be whole and complete, but the Reality is that your whole existence is rooted in the belief that you are a person, and the web of this separate identity has bled into every area of your life, creating a baseline of suffering. There is nothing pessimistic about this. We have chosen this. This is the great web we weave and the purpose of our existence ~ to unravel this web into perfection.

And the profundity of the honesty that is required is testament to the fact that through this honesty ~ which penetrates all layers of self-protection ~ there is the coming face to face with the deep loss of everything that you cling to and the deep pain of every wound you harbour. This honesty removes the option of all hiding and running and reveals that which is vital to be seen for Truth to happen.

So be honest, and SEE that there is much within (and without) that is waiting to be brought into a MUCH greater alignment.

3. Responsibility

In the Grand Scheme of Reality, you are the Great Web Weaver of your experience. This recognition requires a quantum leap from personal perception, where you perceive that things just happen to you, to God Perception, where you recognise that every move in this game of God ~ even the apparent atrocities ~ have been designed to further evolve and open you.

KNOW that everything that ever happened to you was created by You. There are no mistakes or accidents. You ARE the creator. This does not mean berating yourself for horror and devastation. No. This is about owning your pain and not buying into blame or victim stories. Every challenge we receive is a gift in the form of carefully crafted lessons placed at the core of all experience.

This is about knowing that you have the Power to respond accordingly and that you are literally response-able. It means acknowledging the pain and negativity you carry, holding it in your Heart, and daring to look. It means no longer lapsing into avoidance, denial, or blame, and it means no longer running away from that which haunts you. It means having the courage to walk into the darkness of your own psyche and taking responsibility for what you find there, because you alone can walk there, and you alone can bring it to the light.

4. Inquiry

You Are the Light. And it is the Light of your Honest Looking, fuelled by your Dedication to unveiling Truth across Everything, that initiates True Healing.

Become the eagle’s eye that catches even the slightest movement within. Know that your laser-like vision is sufficient to dissolve (when combined with surrender) that which it penetrates. Your Seeing ~ combined with dedication, complete honesty, and the full taking of responsibility ~ cannot be underestimated. You are the light bearer whose radiance shines through your conditioning leaving only transparency in its wake. Through thorough and passionate self investigation, you hold the power to deconstruct and dissolve everything you look upon.

And in the moment that you deeply acknowledge that which you look upon, a dual revelation unfolds ~ You are Not That which you look upon, You are That which looks. Deeply rest as the Spacious Awareness of all phenomena. Know that everything that rises is but a passing show, and You, as the One who Sees, remain utterly untouched.

5. Surrender

Give Way. Let Go. Dive Deep.   

It is the very act of Surrender, which is the letting go of everything that stands between you and Reality, which allows you to fall through every layer of the conditioned self.

This is not a simple step by step process. We are speaking of opening to pure Life Force. We are speaking of the great resolution and dissolution that opens you to God. This is your Life’s Work. Embrace it, and know that this is what you came here to do.

And as you pass through layer after layer ~ OPEN. Open your Mind, Open your Heart, Open your Gut. Open, Open, Open!

Your feeling system cannot be underestimated in this unveiling. EVERY thought, emotion, and sensation that continues to exist within your cellular memory does so, because when it needed to be felt, it was not. To Feel is to Release and to release is to return to Nature ~ to the Source.

True Surrender takes you deeply into the Heart of You. With the light of your Clear-Seeing, you can descend into dense matter without losing yourself to identification. Follow your inner-knowing into the dark places of your Soul to implode them at their very core. Refrain from taking a safe distance. Know that your witnessing can only uproot wounding from the very core when it merges completely with the feeling ~ not as an identification ~ but as a deep and conscious entering. Walk into the flames that blaze at the heart of the wound. Feel the burn.

To Surrender to Life is to Trust her, and this Trust is The Golden Thread that carries your unravelling into Realisation and Beyond. Life HerSelf wishes nothing more than to carry you into the utter perfection of HerSelf, untainted by ignorance. With all the winds in your sails pointing in her direction, she will carry you, carry you, carry you Home.

It is the Fusion of unswerving Dedication, with profound Honesty and radical Responsibility, combined with the Clarity of knowing You are That which Sees, and the complete Surrender into Life HerSelf, that enables the purification of Consciousness.

But the moment we enter into this embrace with any agenda to move away from pain or move towards pleasure (disguised as a desire for Healing) then not only do we miss the point (and the boat), but we actually move more deeply into the ignorance and confusion that gives birth to the need for that Healing in the first place.

True Healing does not start with any movement away from your present experience, even if that movement is dressed in the clothes of wanting to wake up (out of here). There is no True Healing without deeply entering and transmuting everything you are standing with as an individual.

This is not about self-improvement. This is about the dissolution of our perceived sense of identity to reveal our True nature. And no-one can tell you how to do this. It is divinely unique for each Soul. It can be pointed to and transmitted, but ultimately it requires You surrendering to Your Self, for the weave to be gracefully unwoven by Life Herself, as yourSelf.

 

Life was not born to be transcended. Her every move is guided by the intelligence and power required to unravel you from the Heart of your Individuality to the Heart of God. By Living your Life as Love for YourSelf, whilst standing in that blazing Dedication of Surrender, you invite the support of Creation to burn everything that stands between you and Reality.

 

And in your willingness to face the pain and the fear at the root of your person, Life will provide you with the exact situations you need to undo every layer that has risen on top of that, and then deeply into the core of that.

When every cell in you is vibrating with the same agreement, then you open yourself to the facilitation of all the forces in the Universe.

 

I Am You

There she is, this Human Being of mine …

She stands, wavering in the mist, reaching for that kiss, from Life, from Me, to soothe her weary tears.

With images of God and Sage and Bliss, I looked away from her rugged hands, creased brow, and stifled sigh.

I climbed Mountains, forged paths through forests, and gave my Life to This.

This onward movement, this onward pull, into the eternity of the promise of mySelf.

And yet, there she is,
unfaltering in her Reality.
Maybe this is what it’s all about?
To fall so deeply into Love with Her,
that God can know Her as my very Self.

 

And there she stands in the hazy fog of my refusal.
Somehow, somewhere, she got lost.
But she does not disappear.
Out of reach maybe, outside of perception,
and yet within Existence her Reality does not die.
And somewhere in that hand shake with Life, she will not let me deny or forget …
HERE YOU ARE she says!

Can you not see the utter perfection with which I have crafted every line and planted every hair?
For lifetimes I have been moulding you into the perfect image of mySelf.
Into the eternal night I weave your stories,
so that I may stagger down cobbled lanes,
into the Heart of the One who opens herSelf to me.

You paint my face upon walls, and sculpt my body upon altars, with hollow seeking eyes.
Meanwhile, I peek through the holes and roll down the tears of your emptiness, hoping that you’ll let me into fill that void and restore the twinkle in your eyes.

I have no interest in your praise or worship.
Your reaching out, your yearning, your seeking, are all ways you keep me away.

I am that tear,
I am that twinkle,
and I Am You.

 

 

Embracing Depth

It is too easy ~ as we journey into wide open spaces where Love blossoms and Clarity prevails ~
to believe that we are ok, we are alright, everything is good …

As we touch on these places in our Being, it is possible, in subtle and insidious ways, to make choices.
To choose only this. To choose only to rise and rise in this perfection.

Meanwhile, there is a deep deep call to drop, drop, drop, into the dark places – the shadows of our Beings where our wounds reside,
and to be undone in the perfection of this Healing, where no part of creation is left behind.

~ The only way is Down ~

In this embrace of depth ~ a depth that reaches deeply into the soil of you ~ then every time you rise, you deepen, and every time you deepen, you rise.

Become like a tiger, ready to pounce on any tiny movement away from the devastating pain that exists at the bottom of your Being.

Your wounds have been carefully crafted by your Soul to unveil the Light that you are. She invites you into the darkness, to follow her bread-crumb trail deep into the undergrowth …

 
 

My Self starts with Me

You know, something amazing happens when you give your Life to Truth. It’s as if the whole of Reality ~ the entire Universe ~ starts to conspire in your favour.

And this is not a conceptual handing over, or a half-hearted Surrender. It has to be Total. And the extent to which you give is the extent to which you receive.

My entry into Life, as Soul, as Heart, did not happen due to any spiritual practice. It happened as a result of my Total Yes and my complete taking of responsibility for My Life – at the most fundamental and personal level.

The moment I stopped evading my person, dismissing her as unreal (through the lens of inquiry and from the perspective of awareness) is the moment I started taking responsibility. And the moment I started taking responsibility for her, the healing of her began.

But this is not the kind of healing that builds or improves a person. No. It is the kind of healing that brings every wound into the light, so that the strings holding that person together start to snap, one by one, falling like dominoes.

It required standing at the heart of Me, and allowing her to unravel herself ~ as the embrace of Truth ~ which can be accurately summarised as closing every compromise (no matter how subtle) and only following my Heart.

It required a deep deep listening, and being very very quiet, to hear only the whisper of my Soul. And it required the absolute willingness to make mistakes ~ to walk into Life without trepidation ~ ready to receive every lesson that being Me entailed.

And by meeting Life in this way, every movement of Me can be seen in full view. And every time I move from her rather than mySelf, I feel the inaccuracy of it ~ the taste it leaves in my mouth and the odour that lingers …

And so the recognition (and thus the dissolution) of her happens every time I move according to her hopes and dreams, rather than my Soul’s whisper, or every time I react according to her wounds, rather than taking full responsibility for them.

 
 

There is a growing dedication that arises in the total agreement to Live Truly, which invites a constant vigilance and a growing capacity to see that which moves according to the separated self, and that which flows as Reality.

 
 

And in that complete taking of responsibility for every wound, belief system, and conditioned behaviour, Life is able to enter this body-mind, as my very own Self, to start doing what only She can do …

For her intelligence is beyond comprehension. No mind could design the undoing I am seeing. No healing intention could unravel the complexity of my person with such precision and efficiency.

She enters from every direction, every angle, ready and willing to round my every corner and fill my every crack.

And with my full-co-operation on her side ~ as the willingness to enter every wound, to drop every compromise, and to face every fear ~ she delivers only that which will undo me. And with my full agreement to stand in the centre of that fire ~ without denial, avoidance or defence ~ her flame burns ever brighter.

So I look back on my life and I see the futility in Me believing I had to transcend Me. I see all the movements I made ~ both spiritual and otherwise ~ to fix, evade, or blame Me.

I see now that the spiritual path cannot exclude Me. She is the starting point, so to speak. She is where the journey begins. And paradoxically ~ in that full taking of responsibility for her ~ she becomes the access point. But the moment I deny her, the moment I insist on her unreality, I push her to the corner of my psyche, and in doing so, I make her real.

So I hold her in my Heart, and FINALLY allow her to grow up! She takes me straight into the wounded child, and from here I see the ignorance that grew out of her. I see the inaccurate woman I became, hiding in my own shadow, and aiming for a realisation with her rotting at the bottom of me.

As I hold her in my heart, her every hurt is seen, and healed through the eyes of love and clarity. And by holding her in my heart, my undoing starts at the very core of Me, and like a vortex, spirals out in all directions, leaving nothing that is not my Self in its wake.

By starting at the centre of this cosmic joke ~ as the apparently separate Me ~ I gain entry to mySelf; while the entire time I was moving according to attaining realisation, a polarisation occurred whereby my spiritual cultivation was happening alongside a deeply incongruent life. This double life, where I failed to bring every part of myself into this embrace, meant that Life herSelf started to punch and pummel me from all directions, insisting that I take responsibility for Me!

And Me was never a mistake. Every nuance and groove of her was perfectly chosen by my Self, to learn that which needed to be learnt and to see that which needed to be seen. Like being dropped into the centre of a maze, with only Me as my experience, and yet within that Me was every clue needed to take every step in the direction of Home. Meanwhile I left Me, in all her confusion, crying in the centre of that daunting maze, and opted for transcendence. Through cultivating awareness, I started to access the ultimate perspective, that Me and the maze were not real. But what if both are possible ~ both the clarity of that recognition and the deep diving into the maze, as the perfection and completion of the labyrinth of Life?
 
 

The magic of this Life is that she has been perfectly designed to carry all ignorance home to herSelf ~ if we only but surrender to Her.

 
 

The moment we agree to lose everything, whilst simultaneously taking full responsibility for everything (which means neither clinging nor dismissing), then everything that needs to heal can heal and everything needed for that healing is delivered.

Every time I act from inaccuracy, Life shows me.
Every time I make one move away from my Heart, Life shows me.
Every time I get too big for my boots, Life shows me.

The agreement to live with Life, rather than against her (or as some kind of spiritual trajectory that invites for her transcendence and dismissal) means that she is constantly handing me the keys that I need to unlock every misunderstanding, heal every wound, and open every door to a greater and greater resting in mySelf.